The question whether a black non Jewish woman or man can be happily “married” in Israel with a white spouse has come to my attention in the last few years.
This is not a theoretical paper but a realistic phenomenon happening in Israeli society today.
Marriage:
When I use the term marriage I mean not according to Jewish law because a Jew cannot marry a non Jew. I am referring to “been together” (cohabitate) in any way. In this case trying to convert will be a waste of time, not realistic, and not doable.
Anyway the State of Israel will give these couples “full rights” as if they were legally or married according to Jewish law.
The traditional and the modern family:
I am just stating a fact and not giving my personal opinion when I state that like in many other countries, Israel is losing the traditional concept of family by accepting what is called “the modern family”.
For thousands of years the Jewish family was consisted of a man and a woman bearing children together. This is not the case anymore.
Unfortunately (now I am giving my personal opinion), we see today in Israeli society almost every kind of relationship, such as two men or women together adopting children, Jews and gentiles, Arabs and Jews – you name it. There is only one completely unsuccessful type of marriage combination which is the black and white couple, when one of them is not Jewish (again only stating a fact).
As a matter of fact there are many types of unsuccessful combinations such as Arabs and Jews especially if they move to the territories. This specific problem of a Jewish woman moving to a Palestinian area with her spouse is a serious issue. This is because there is no way of coming back! Jewish women get stuck in the territories without any possibility of returning to Israel with their children.
Still, the most unsuccessful combination as I wrote above is the black and white couples when one of them is not Jewish – I will refer to these couples as the “grey combinations or grey couples”.
The good and the bad combination:
A good combination is one where the spouses are together because they have common goals, supportive family, common moral values, economic balance etc, besides love and respect of course. Without these basics, no “normal” couple can survive a long term relationship.
In any relationship, the economic independence of the woman is very important but in grey combinations it is imperative. At any given moment something may go wrong and the inability of the female spouse to be independent becomes a deadly weapon on the other spouse’s hands.
An accepting family is important but a family that opposes and fights the grey’s couple’s relationship will be a final blow to any real chances of a grey couple to survive.
Children:
The reason why Grey couples stay together longer than they can take it or longer than they want to is because of their children. Children is the reason these couples try hard to reconcile. They are ignoring reality and in the end paying a heavy price, especially regarding their independency, most of the time it is the women who are the victims.
There is almost no chance a spouse will be allowed to go back to where she came from with her children. She will have to stay in Israel and as sad as it may sound, sometimes she will be expelled from Israel if she hasn’t received a permanent status or if she is illegal in Israel.
In fact I’ve never heard of any case where a man wants to take his children back to his country of origin. So far, all cases are always about the mother trying to go back with her children.
A last word:
I am sure there is always some “exception to the rule” as I am sure there are few grey couples reading this article asking “why Tzvi never told me this?”
Every couple wants to be “the exception to the rule”. I will not be “The Prophet of rage” telling them they don’t have a chance.
Before you start such an enterprise please keep in mind that reality in Israel is completely different from the rest of the world.
Always try to be realistic.
