This article is not only about being judgmental to others but also when others are judgmental of us. This is an article written in general terms and it has no intention to offend anyone but to show some traits very peculiar to the Israelis in general.
Most of us would not like to think of ourselves as judgmental. We most certainly don’t enjoy it when other people judge us or make comments about us that we don’t appreciate. Judging people can lead to stereotypes, rumors, hate and even cause your Aliyah to fail.
Being judgmental doesn’t necessarily means judging people only on what they do, their behavior or on their physical appearance but also about how they talk, dress, eat etc
For some people, even receiving constructive criticism can dampen their ego and for others being criticized can be very painful causing a lot of distress.
As hard as it can be, we have to admit that Israelis are often judgmental towards others, not sparing new immigrants of course. The worst part is the stupid comments they usually make regarding everything because they “ know better”. This is what they think, giving them the right to feel they can judge others.
Not every judgmental person can afford a long term therapy or is even aware he has some psychological problem; as a result, many of us are judgmental without knowing the extended damage being caused to ourselves, the people we love and for the entire circle of people with whom we are in constant relation.
This article cannot address the problem from a professional point of view as I am not qualified to do so. However I can certainly observe that Israelis need to try to think of positive things about people, especially new immigrants, instead of thinking negatively.
Maybe thinking about their background as new immigrants coming to a strange country, the hard time they are probably having by now living in a country in a constant state of alert and even war, their struggle with hardships, new language, new mentality, perhaps even poverty. Maybe they would realize how good their own situation is, in spite of the problems they have in their own day to day life in Israel .
We all should try to be nicer to people both in our words, our actions and our thoughts but we cannot force anyone else to comply, it must come from them.
New immigrants are what they are: “New in the game” and as we know, newcomers are treated with suspicion and unfortunately are biased. You don’t have to agree or accept being treated in a disrespectful way but trying to educate these people or becoming judgmental of them will cause more tension but no positive results.
How can we be less judgmental?
There are many methods and, as I have said, I am not a professional in the field but I have found very good simple solutions such as those below:
Try to understand people instead of judging someone for what he’s done or how he looks, try instead to understand the person. Put yourself in their shoes. Try to imagine their background. If possible, talk to them.
Once you think you began to understand, try to accept. Accept that person for who he is, without trying to change him. Accept that he will act the way he does, without wanting him to change. Accept or otherwise, you’re in for a world of frustration.
You can be discerning and not judgmental. The difference between judgmental and discerning is the ability to notice objective differences among activities, people, objects, etc. along relevant dimensions.
For example: A discerning person will recognize differences in the musical ability of singers whereas a non-discerning person will not. To a judgmental person, a bad singer is inferior not just on the dimension of singing, but is inferior on the more fundamental dimension of being human as well.
Few words of wisdom:
Remember we are living here under the same treats, durance, stress and sharing a land giving to us as a gift from the Almighty. The land is given to and to shared by us all. Israelis are today what you may turn out to be in few years, hoping you can “improve” the judgmental part of course.
Be concerned that your life and career are going in the right direction. It is about you and your family you should be concerned and not about others.
Judging others is foolish since you cannot be sure you know all the facts and cannot more than a very limited and partial view of the other person. Remember: Besides you, who cares about your opinion anyway?
Finally, don’t make the mistake of thinking: “I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.”
