The title of the article is the beginning of a real and true story, the case of which has yet to be decided. Although the story is extremely recent and true, the names and some details were changed in order to keep the real identities private.
Background: The Parents
Martha met Jacob in Israel when she came to visit as a tourist with a peregrine group of Protestants from South America. Jacob, a Jew born in Israel, found her to be an amazing and interesting woman; it was “love at first sight”!
They married and left Israel for the US. There, 3 children were born including Jonny, a 19 year old serving as a soldier in the IDF’s infantry for over half of his compulsory service of 3 years.
I was contacted by Martha who told me their story… After few unsuccessful business ventures in the US, Martha and Jacob moved to Israel when Jonny was 12 years old. The relationship between her and Jacob was very tense. During the years they had lived in the US, Jacob earned his MBA degree, and despite the fact that he had a good job, they were almost financially broke. It seems that Martha had been in control of the family’s finances and spent beyond their income!
In Israel, Martha continued spending much more than they could afford accumulating almost 150 thousand dollars of debt in 4 years. Jacob, who was eventually diagnosed as “Depressive” or “Manic Depressive” (not clear to me yet), remained passive regarding their finances.
Martha left Israel after a long and painful battle in court, losing custody of the children to Jacob. I never saw any of the legal papers regarding custody therefore there is nothing I can contribute about that case, but after speaking with both parents (even though I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist), it is clear to me that they are both severely in need of professional psychological counseling.
The Soldier
Martha wanted my help to check on her “child”, Jonny, who was being held as a detainee in a military base jail after refusing to show up for service for almost two months (in Hebrew a deserter is called ARIK). Jonny had been brought in front of a military Judge and received an “ultra-light” punishment of 14 days in jail.
In speaking with the father, who has filed for bankruptcy, he told me that he had instigated and encouraged Jonny to be a deserter (!) and a deserter Jonny became – believing that the army had not treated him fairly.
Jonny has seen 5 military psychologists (KABAN), 1 military psychiatrist and 2 others privately. They all think Jonny is mentally capable of serving in the IDF despite of his emotional problems and immaturity.
The parents promised Jonny that they would provide him with the best university education in South America, financial help and fulfillment of a few other dreams I am convinced they could never financially make happen. Jonny believed all these promises and therefore decided not to go back to his duties as a soldier, claiming that he had to support his father and help raise his brothers, etc.
In order to help Jonny, I had to contact friends in the military DA’s office and after few days I was permitted to visit him and obtain a promise that his sentence would be shortened thus providing Jonny with a new start.
I spoke to Jonny, a sweet boy but very spoiled and somehow emotionally dependent on his parents. Jonny told me he had asked his parents endless times not to fight using him and the brothers as weapons but they would not listen.
Jonny asked me to help him to be released from service. He was ready to renounce his Israeli citizenship on the spot. He wanted to be released in order to go back to his mother in South America. I explained to him that this was not possible and gave him the following analogy:
Let’s say I am an Israeli and Uruguayan citizen. I go to Uruguay, enter a local bank and rob it, but am caught later. In court or in the police station I ask to renounce my Uruguayan citizenship and ask to be released in order to go back to Israel.
Just to make it clear: when you transgress a law in a country hosting you, you are under that country’s jurisdiction and nothing will help you to get away without punishment.
Jonny was released that same day after speaking again to a psychologist. Jonny promised me he would consider finishing his compulsory service in the IDF. No, I don’t think he will finish his service or honor his promises, but I did what I could.
As much sympathy as I have for such an unfortunate situation involving the lives of these 5 families members, I cannot agree with the parent’s behavior. It is a pity they have learned absolutely nothing from this event; they are still behaving as if nothing had happened in the last few weeks.
Parents should not interfere in their children’s choices regarding the IDF. This is a compulsory service, an obligation of the child and not of the parents.
To be a soldier in the IDF is not only an obligation, but a great honor. The right to wear a soldier’s uniform in the only Jewish army in the world is an enormous honor. Respect and enjoy this honor that wasn’t afforded to most of our grandparents – an honor and responsibility they would have happily taken upon themselves.
