Sometimes you have to let it go
Dean met Sally 11 years ago. Both had already divorced in their forties and both had children. Dean’s children were living with their mother, Dean’s ex. Sally, though, had all four of children with her and they were all young and some were already entering their tough teenage years.
Dean was a “hot potato head,” but an extraordinary good husband and person, just like Sally. In spite of all of this goodness, the combination was a total disaster, ending in an ugly money struggle.
Dean tried to convince Sally (the “wealthy one”) to compromise and not to fight about money taking into account the singular circumstances where lawyer’s fees would cost as much as the “difference” between themselves.
During all these years, Sally trusted Dean blindly never suspecting he was stealing from her or hiding any property or income.
In her early fifties Sally “found” herself. She was in her “mid-life crisis” as she told Dean. She wanted the divorce so bad that she stopped thinking clearly. Her children were very supportive, convincing her to divorce their step-father. Dean was the disciplinary while Sally was the “yes woman,” so the children were very happy to get rid of him.
Sally was under a lot of pressure from all sorts of “advisers” (the first step to destroy a marriage is to listen to them). Everyone knew what was better for her. Sally was not a strong person so she succumbed to her children feeling that she had to provide them with her full attention. Actually, though, she could not understand that she was letting her children decide to whom she should be married.
A few months after the separation and few days before the divorce in court, Sally started to accuse Dean of all kinds of bad things. The list was getting longer until it reached the “money issue.” In Sally’s eyes Dean “was after her money.” At this point, of course, it couldn’t end nicely, nor did it.
After ten years together the person she trusted became a thief in her mind, not because he actually did something, but because Sally really wanted to end it badly just to prove “she was now in charge.”
Dean was very hurt. He couldn’t understand where all that anger and suspicion had come from. He could not believe all the “bad vibes and hate” when just a few months ago they were best friends and the relationship was one of trust. Dean could not understand why the money was the issue.
When the truth finally struck him, he decided to let it go, he accepted his loses and left the marriage with very little. Dean understood the basic fact: He had never really known Sally and what a money addict she was. How wrong he was to have married her.
Money is indeed a blessing, a gift from the Almighty, but if one is not careful, it can turn into a curse.
Finding balance in your new life in Israel
Like in a marriage, you will learn fast how different the Israeli reality is from what you’ve been told before making Aliyah. It doesn’t mean you have been misguided or lied to, but reality will be different from what you had expected.
Your perception of Israel and its day-to-day living is certainly different from others. Things that are not important to you could be very relevant to others and vice versa. What you see as a bad service or a rude answer can be disregarded by others just because they are “used to it.”
Israel is far from being a perfect country, nor are Israelis near perfect, but now you are one of them, you are one of US – get used to the idea and work with the tools you have to make this country a better place to live.
You can help your family and yourself to cope better with the assimilation pains of Aliyah by teaching them how to “pick their battles” and not expecting “Moses” to talk.
