“Good people” can be found everywhere – be careful when choosing your friends
One of my ex-clients, and actually a good friend as well, wrote this note asking my opinion: Should she send it to her ex-husband?
Hello Ploni,
It has been brought to my attention (yes people actually called me) that you have mentioned me, …. mentioning your ex-wife and her children in a conversation you had with Almoni online!
I find this airing of your personal issues totally inappropriate and a violation of my privacy and my children’s, especially on a public forum.
I would like you not to ever mention me or my children. If any future … mentioning your ex-wife, her children or our relationship I will consult with a lawyer about libel and privacy issues.
Thank you,
Leah
After I heard what was said by Ploni according to these “good friends” and after reading his response below, I was convinced that the best way for them to deal with this matter was to let it go.
This was the answer Leah received from Ploni.
Dear Leah,
I understand how you and some of the people you know might find similarity to our situation based in just about any conversation I have regarding divorce, however, as you know I handle many such conversations in my line of work.
The truth is that there are probably a couple dozen stories that apply to thousands of cases handled by lawyers, courts, social workers, government clerks, etc. throughout Israel and the US.
The reason I have these online conversations about divorce and family dynamics is because I’m trying to help others avoid the problems and prepare them for the possible outcomes of their behavior. I want them to seek help through mediation and avoid divorce – just as I had hoped would have been the outcome of our relationship.
It was not my intent to hurt you in any way. If you can provide me with the specific sentences and their online location that you find offensive, I will find a way that your concerns are resolved.
I wish you happiness and peace,
Ploni
After this simple answer, Leah could not really provide any specific offensive sentences.
The first question I asked Leah was: “Can you tell me what kind of “friends” are these and how are they helping you in life?
If these are Leah’s friends I don’t want to know who her enemies are. These “good people” are nothing more than pariahs of society looking out for their own personal agenda – all they want is “Riv and Madon”. There is no doubt the best interest of Leah was not in these “friends’ mind” but some other interest – maybe a personal agenda against Ploni or some kind of inner desire to cause harm to others by using the most effective weapon known to humanity “Lashon Hara”!
I told Leah to save her time and money. We live in a democracy and mentioning someone or the nature of their past relationship or even some details of their divorce is not a crime, not here and not in any other country that I know!
What is not acceptable is to mention personal details of that person’s life or any detail of a minor but in this case it was clear that Ploni was only talking about the grief and the mistakes he and Leah had made in the past. There was no personal attack or even the disclosure of any personal details.
Court rooms are never a good place to be and are the last place you want to “solve” a libel dispute. It will only bring out more hate, bad feelings, adding more fuel to the fire and possibly more libel.
A divorce or a dispute between friends is already painful enough, therefore, adding “lashon hara” will only cause more pain and more hate.
Even if you feel “bad” or “responsible” for a friend, don’t do it! Hold your tongue and refrain from “helping”.
