So many times as a lawyer, as a simple citizen and even as a husband I have asked the same question again and again: have I tried everything? Have I given my all to this matter? Have I really done all I could? So why were the results so negative? Why didn’t I succeed in fixing my mistakes?
How could I have avoided my own divorce? How could I have prevented myself from making such wrong decision or bad choice in life? I don’t have all the answers, but recognizing and taking responsibility for the mistakes we’ve made in the past is the first step toward helping ourselves not repeat these same mistakes again and again.
As a lawyer, I know that I am not the only one asking these questions about various life experiences. Each one of us is confronted once in a while with a situation we can’t handle in spite all our efforts. I am sure we all made mistakes we tried to mend unsuccessfully feeling deep disappointment for failing. Making mistakes is just human and unavoidable but also provides a very good lesson on how to improve our skills in life.
You cannot win all your battles, as you cannot successfully overcome every difficulty you encounter in life – no one can win all and this is why it is recommended and wise to pick your battles carefully.
I am not a saint and cannot perform miracles, yet too many of those seeking help from us, and even some of my regular clients, expect me to find miraculous solutions to problems they themselves have created. Unfortunately, too often, what these clients are looking for is an easy way out and they learn absolutely nothing from their mistakes.
To these clients my message is simple and clear: despite my willingness to help, I just can’t help them before they take the first step to mend a mistake. People must take full responsibility, stop blaming others and be ready to pay a price when necessary – and sometimes there is no way out without paying a price.
The price for a mistake will be paid not only by you
As we will learn from our recent true case still to be decided in court, the mistakes we make will have lifetime repercussions not only for those involved in the case, but also to the entire family and even friends.
Lora, an Argentinean living in the US, met Morris, a nice and attractive Israeli. Soon after their meeting, she realized that she was in love with him and hoped that he would be the answer for her. She was over forty, not married and wanted not only a companion and friend, but a child as well.
Together they made a decision and a year after their union, Ilana who is 4 years old today was born. The couple had ups and downs in their relationship but managed to “survive” the bad times, mostly Morris’ bad times due to his addiction to light drugs and his very unstable business nature.
Six months ago Morris told Lora, he must leave American soil in few days because he was there illegally for too many years and the authorities had tracked him that day. He was asking her to accompany him just for a short period until he could find a way to go back to the US. Lora agreed to do so.
In few days they had sent a container to Israel with almost all their belongings. They arrived in Israel into a most threatening and stressful situation for a woman. Lora had no family or friends in Israel but Morris had a big family in Israel, Lora didn’t speak Hebrew, Morris was a native. All her belongings were in that container, yet Morris had more than enough to start his life in Israel without the container. Lora wasn’t even a regular new immigrant with standard benefits due to the lack of advance notice that she had to quickly prepare to move to Israel.
Two weeks after arriving, Morris already had another woman, was taking drugs again (after rehabilitation in the US) and therefore, there was no more need for Lora. As a result she could be disposed of and this is was what he did.
One night when they had a discussion regarding his inability to provide for the family while spending money in unimportant things (by that time she didn’t know that the money was being spent on his new affair), Morris called the police claiming Lora had turned violent and was threatening him. Lora was arrested but released after a few hours after being questioned by the police, and having her DNA, pictures and fingerprints taken. Eventually the accusations were dismissed and the case closed for lack of any criminal act.
The day the police released her they did so after issuing a restraining order so she could not get near Morris, but had the child given to her that same day. Morris gave her a suitcase with some of her clothes and sent her away from the apartment he had rented.
Lora was alone, had no income, no job, didn’t know Hebrew and learned the hard way the dangers of being extremely dependent on one other person as was her case.
Morris sued for custody but somehow with help from the family, Lora left Israel two days before a ban impeding her and their child from leaving the country was issued by the court. She is now safe in Argentina trying to recuperate from the experience.
The consequences:
Ilana will now be separated from her father because Lora will not let Morris get near the child. Ilana will have to adapt to another country she never knew without a father and being “overprotected” by Lora who fears Morris can find them and cause them harm somehow.
The grandparents from Morris’ side who had a good relationship with the granddaughter will probably never meet her again.
Lora’s friends gave Morris a big loan as soon as the couple arrived in Israel but now Morris doesn’t want to pay them back claiming they helped her to leave Israel. Because it is a civil dispute it may take years before these good people see any of their money back.
All wrong decisions:
Lora should know better, she should never have agreed to be totally dependent on a man who was from the first day a “non-committed” husband; never wanting to take any responsibility for his acts including illegal business, drugs and more.
A word of wisdom:
Making such a drastic move, coming to a new country without any previous preparation is an invitation to be in a difficult situation, but coming as a new immigrant totally dependent on another person regardless of who he is, is nothing short of insane.
Don’t do it and don’t let your friends do it without at least warning them of the clear danger.
